Illness & Karma

Here’s a story that’s not in any of my books: WAY back in the early days of my healing journey, I was 22 and came home from Tokyo for Christmas to surprise my family, only to discover they had all booked to go away for Christmas! So I ended up in the house on my own.

Shortly before I left for Tokyo

The DAY AFTER they all left, I went into one of those free-fall-off-the-cliff flares that happen with Crohn’s Disease and quickly reached the point where I was doubling the water level in the toilet with blood from my colon, hadn’t eaten, and had barely even drunk water for 3 days due to crazy mouth ulcers all over my mouth and down my throat. I had slept only in brief snatches due to the continual pain. There were mini-craters in my thighs where my body was literally eating itself to survive – only someone with severe Crohn’s understands how it’s possible to lose 20 lbs of muscle in less than a week.

And I’d had it. I was SO tired of being ill and I was ready to surrender.

I lay in my bed, exhausted yet peaceful, and said to the Divine/Source/Truth/God/Universe, “I’m ready. I’ve lived a good life, I have no regrets, I’m ready to go.”

And god said to me, “It’s not your time.”

I said, “What do you mean, ‘it’s not your time’? I’ve had enough, I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m ready to die.”

Source repeated, “It’s not your time.”

I pondered this, and then I felt myself getting angry, “Well then I’ll go get a knife and slash my wrists.”

Great Spirit said, “It doesn’t matter, you still won’t die.”

Now I was sputtering, “Fine. I’ll get a gun and I’ll blow my head off!”

The divine said, “And I’ll send you right back down.”

Whaaaaa?? Well that stopped me in my tracks, especially since I had grown up in the Christian church and hadn’t even considered reincarnation at this point in my life.

I said, “What do you mean, ‘send me back down’?? There’s no ‘back down’… there’s heaven and there’s hell, and I’m ready to go home.”

God repeated, “I’ll send you right back down.”

Terribly frustrated by this point, I screamed out, “Well if I have to live, then GIVE ME A LIFE!!! Because I cannot live like this anymore!!”

A complete and utter peace immediately descended upon me and I slept for 12 hours straight. When I woke up, I began to drink and eat simple foods, then I went on the SC Diet (which I’d read, but avoided as it was so incredibly restrictive and labor intensive) and continued my healing journey and exploration.

So what changed?

I CHOSE LIFE.

There is a tremendous healing impetus that is unleashed when we actually CHOOSE to be here and choose to engage in life. Before this point, I was okay to be here, it was fine, but it didn’t really matter to me. I had never been afraid of death and often longed to ‘go home’ – even before I was diagnosed with Crohn’s.

When I screamed at the divine, THEN GIVE ME A LIFE – it was the first time that I consciously requested to be here. And I spoke that intention out strongly into the matrix.

It changed everything.

The second time I became deathly ill, I was 32 years old and had been strong and healthy for years. But I decided to have all 10 of my mercury fillings removed in a few days – with no detox, no IV vitamin C, nothing. In those days, we didn’t know about mercury poisoning from silver amalgam filling removal.

Again, it was like dropping off the edge of a cliff. I began hemorrhaging and quickly dropped to 99 lbs (I’m 5’7″). I finally phoned my gastroenterologist one evening when I felt things were getting critical. He asked me some questions and told me to go to bed and come into the hospital in the morning. I hung up the phone, emptied another vat of blood from my bowel (including clots the size of my thumb) into the toilet, and told my husband we had to go now. As I walked to door of our apartment, I collapsed in the hallway, and went off into a beautiful near-death experience (NDE).

I was immediately dancing through a beautiful flower-filled meadow in the glorious sun. I felt the divine all around me and through me. I knew everything was just fine and perfect and glorious. I carried that knowledge and feeling with me as I entered my body again.

My frantic husband and mother carried me into a waiting taxi (faster than an ambulance) and my mother knew I had died (mums know these things). I was smiling and reassuring them that everything was going to be okay as they levered me into the taxi. I was suffused with joy and happiness.

After testing my hemoglobin (3/14) the nurse said, “You know, I’ve been working Emerge for 8 years, I’ve seen the worst gunshot wounds, car accidents, and I’ve never seen anyone with a hemoglobin this low… who is conscious!” I joked with him and reassured him that I was fine and everything was going to be okay. He continued to look just a wee bit freaked out.

When they brought me bags of blood for infusion, my mum and I both felt for the energy of the blood to check if they were okay. My blessed mum warmed each bag on her chest before it was hooked up to the IV. Out of 4 bags, we sent one back. The nurse didn’t question us and just replaced it with a new one.

I had my mercury levels tested 6 months later, and they were still so high they exceeded the maximum level measured – they were literally off the chart.

But here’s the truly miraculous thing about that experience; it birthed The IBD Remission Diet. It was the final piece of my offering to the world for natural healing from Inflammatory Bowel Disease, no matter how bad it is – you can be literally dying and you can still heal using completely natural methods. Six weeks later, I was 135 lbs and cycling to the gym to work out, three times a week. 6 weeks after that, I got pregnant with my first child.

YES. The body can heal that fast, if we have the tools (that work with the body’s own healing mechanism), and we can come into a congruent, unified state of mind/body/soul.

This is one of my karmic contracts for this lifetime – one of the objectives I set out for myself and an act of service that balances out some darkness I danced with in other lives. These gifts of healing and empowerment to others who are suffering, balance my karma, and create a cycle of positivity.

If you’re struggling with dis-ease, imbalance right now:

Where can you pull back from the daily struggle and look to the bigger picture of your life? How can you put your pain into the context of: My body is speaking to me… what is it saying?

What elements of your life are in a state of unease/dis-ease, due to incongruence between your deeper wisdom and how you’re actually living your life?

What karmic contracts or soul agreements are you fulfilling?

Where is it crucial for you to shift and transform?

If you’ve found your way to this blog, there’s a part of you that’s ready to enter multi-dimensional living. There’s a part of you that’s yearning for deeper wisdom and meaning – and what better pathway than a Healing Journey? It may not seem like it now, I know! But perhaps it’s time for you to enter the vortex of your own enlightenment… to walk the pathway of integration of mind/body/soul that leads to true freedom. Start here…